You know we’re going to feature her big butt sooner or later. Even pregnant (and still hush hush about it, even though it’s quite evident that there’s a bun in her oven), this bitch from Brooklyn can still whip up her ass. But I’d rather see her before she got pregnant.
So here it is, courtesy of Youtube. Enjoy that fine Latina ass that could only belong to Jennifer Lopez!
This former ‘tween stars are birds that don’t flock the same feathers. Not that they’re different from one another — in fact, both are teen idols and have carved a moderately successful career as recording artists. However, they hate each other like paparazzi love the crazy things they do in public (especially Lohan). With that said, their battle deserves a take from TheAsss.com’s Celebrity Ass-Off! Let their big butts decide which of them wins!
Lindsay Lohan
No longer the cute girl who first appeared on Disney’s The Parent Trap, Lohan is now an aberration of her former self, as she gets her name in the front pages of the tabloids as often as her buds Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. Despite her numerous follies and trashy behavior - most of which everyone must have heard of - Lohan is still hot and could easily have her ass tapped in a heartbeat.
Hillary Duff
Also a Disney alumni, Duff got her break as the main character in The Lizzie McGuire Show. After she got old, she did what other people do after leaving Disney: achieve that waif-look and get more kitsch than ever! Releasing an album and doing a string of teen flicks that suck ass until nothing is left from it may be lame but it got her career off the ground. However, compared to Lohan, she has yet to do something real stupid in order to get her more attention.
VERDICT:
Although almost equal in the ass category, their personalities present the difference, which means that Lohan still has a long way to go in terms of building a good rep and stop being stupid. WINNER: HILLARY DUFF
Both are Hollywood A-listers who have one thing in common: they’ve been banged in their big butts by Tinseltown’s resident hunk Brad Pitt. Jolie may have won the battle, as she was able to win Pitt over her ex-wife Aniston, but the war is far from over. Now, Theasss.com will settle the score the score once and for all to see who among the two have the better ass!
Angelina Jolie
This real-life Lara Croft has come a long way since her days from Hackers, as she has won multiple accolades from Award-giving bodies, most notably the Oscars. Immediately after her success as an actress, her popularity exploded when people started to take notice of her good looks, picturesque face, and luscious lips. Of course, this was all before she started turning humanitarian. I mean, sure it’s cool to help people and all, but c’mon, isn’t being on screen revealing your, uh, acting chops help enough?
Jennifer Aniston
Aniston will forever be known as Rachel Green from the ’90s hit sitcom Friends, arguably the funniest television show ever (screw Seinfeld). However, despite her sexy ass and pretty face, she might also be known as the girl who was dumped by Brad Pitt for another hot woman. In spite of this looming negativity shrouding her career, her acting skills are in par with the best of them, if the role serves just right (”Good Girl,” “Friends With Money”).
VERDICT:
Both are hot, sexy, and still in their prime, that it would be hard to decide who has the better ass using these criteria. However, we’ll let Brad Pitt decide for us on this one. WINNER: ANGELINA JOLIE
Two of the biggest retro sex symbols finally go ass-to-ass in this battle of the ages! Which one of them has the classiest and biggest butt of them all? Read on…
MARILYN MONROE
Her achievement in film is unparralleled, making her perhaps one of the highly-respected Hollywood sex symbols in the world. Her influence resonates well in the annals of popular culture, from music to fashion. Not to mention, she has the distinction of being the first cover girl in the history of Playboy. No one, and I mean no one, can ever replace that.
BETTIE PAGE
Whereas Monroe achieved success through publicity, Page reveled in the obscure. Her classic bondage poses and bold photoshoots (at that time) were complete contrasts of the bright lights and glamour of Tinseltown. Despite this, Page won admiration from a small group of admirers, which grew into an underground community, and finally, mainstream consciousness.
VERDICT:
Perhaps the most difficult Ass-Off to judge, both women are equal in terms of, well, everything; both are ass-tastic in their own right, so it’s probably best to leave them be in their hallowed places in Hollywood history. WINNER: NONE
If it weren’t for Tyra Banks cat-walking away from modeling and making a name for herself as a talk show host, the feud between her and Naomi Campbell would still be as hot as, well, the both of them wearing bikinis. These ebony beauties make a compelling case as to which one of them is the top Black model, and for the first time, Celebrity Ass Off will take the model’s big butt down the wire!
TYRA BANKS
What’s most impressive about Banks is her stellar list of accomplishments outside her modeling career. Not only does she have the Tyra Banks Show, but she had appeared on screen taking on different roles from different shows, most notably her first full-screen debut in Higher Learning, where she played her role to a tee. She’s perhaps one of the few models that survived modeling without losing any of her allure.
NAOMI CAMPBELL
Despite her legal problems and drug addiction, nobody does it better than Campbell in a runway. Her signature walk has attained pop culture status and is imitated by Beyonce in her song “Get Me Bodied.” On the other hand, her affairs with notable Hollywood A-list actors and high-profile businessmen has ’supermodel’ written all over it. Lastly, unlike Banks, Campbell has maintained her waif and chic appearance after all these years.
VERDICT:
Despite leading to a draw, it is too obvious to deny who has the bigger butt between the two of them, literally. WINNER: TYRA BANKS
Both women have won the hearts of men with their catchy songs and awesome dance moves. Now, see them go head-to-head to determine who’s the most beautiful liar–er– I mean, big butt of them all!
BEYONCE
Ever since Destiny’s Child broke up, Beyonce has been tearing up the scenes - both music and entertainment. Ever since her single “Crazy In Love” off her hit record Dangerously In Love, she has gone on to become one of the top-selling female acts in the world. On the other hand, her feature appearance in the Oscar-winning film “Dreamgirls” has definitely elevated her into the upper echelons of Hollywood. These alone would have men drooling all over her, and I have yet to talk about her booty!
SHAKIRA
This petite Latina took a while before breaking into international mainstream success. Aside from being an artist, she is known for her mesmerizing and hypnotic belly dancing featured in music videos “Whenever, Wherever” and “Hips Don’t Lie.” The way her ass gyrates and weaves with ease is exasperatingly hot! By the way, she also speaks four different languages. Yeah right, like it’s gonna matter now.
THE VERDICT:
They both definitely have asses to die for, but in the end, success and awards are what determine a fine ass! WINNER: BEYONCE
Welcome to Celebrity Ass-Off, a series of blog entries where celebrities are pitted against each other to see who’s got the best big butt!
First off, two of the hottest Jessicas in Hollywood - Jessica Biel or Jessica Alba (Sorry, Jessica Simpson) - will finally settle once and for all which has the better ass.
JESSICA ALBA
She’s currently the sexiest and most sought-after woman in Hollywood, and with good reason. Her feature roles in The Fantastic Four, Sin City, and Honey have put a lot of butts on theater seats. Not to mention, her steamy ass shots in Into The Blue will definitely ignite a sexual fire on your loins.
JESSICA BIEL
This 7th Heaven co-star has finally gotten over the hump of being a sweet postergirl, and is now full-fledged sex symbol that even had Justin Timberlake knocking on her door. Biel saw her take more daring roles in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Blade III: Trinity. However, it is in I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry that she was able to display her butt in all its natural glory.
VERDICT:
Biel may be on the rise, but everybody else knows who’s on top of the ass heap. WINNER: JESSICA ALBA
Both have pretty much done and achieved everything in their lifetime: had a successful modeling career, graced covers of male-oriented magazines, and, to cap things off, released a steamy sex tape that shocked the foundations of a normal male. We’re taking here of Paris Hilton and Keeley Hazell, two of the naughtiest and finest asses on this side of the planet, as they go ass-to-ass and determine whose butt rules supreme in this edition of Celebrity Ass-Off!
Keeley Hazell
Like her DDD-cup breast size, Hazell is destined for great things. She scored the second highest position in FHM’s Most Sexiest Women In The World for the second straight year, an impressive feat for a woman who started living life under the limelight in 2004. What’s even scarier is that this hot ass vixen just turned 21 years old this September, which gives men something to watch out for in years to come!
Paris Hilton
Wherever there’s controversy, there goes Paris Hilton! Much as been said about her in the media (ya think??) that everybody have heard at least one of her misadventures. However, she has effectively played her media mileage that you gotta wonder who’s fooling who. Regardless, her well-documented spat with Hollywood A-listers and the recent release from prison has simply made a lot of tabloids and entertainment magazines alike filthy rich.
VERDICT:
Unless you’re into skinny chicks who’ve become a shadow of their former selves, the answer has her huge ass and tits staring right in front of you. WINNER: KEELEY HAZELL
Aside from producing successful recording artists in the music industry for the past six years, American Idol has also made significant contributions to the ass world by introducing two of its hottest contestants: Kelly Clarkson and Katharine McPhee. Both can sing, and the camera loves them, but who has the most superior butt? Find out here on Celebrity Ass-Off!
Kelly Clarkson
Among the American Idol winners from the past, Clarkson is still the best of the lot. Her versatile and powerful voice is considered one of the best in the industry, and her successful string of singles (which peaked with “Since U Been Gone” from the album Breakaway) is still going strong. Aside from her amazing set of pipes, her sweet looks and nice ass had made her an even more popular personality in the business.However, don’t expect her to go daring on you now. At least, not just yet.
Kelly Clarkson
Although McPhee settled for runner-up status in last year’s Idol, there is no doubt that she has the hottest ass among all the finalists. Her rendition of “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” may have melted hearts and shed tears, but when all’s been said and done, her ass rules supreme. There is no way you cannot deny her piece of ass when it comes knocking of your door!
VERDICT:
Clarkson may have the upper hand over talent and skill, but since we’re chauvinistic pigs, the one with the most beautiful ass had to win! WINNER: Katharine McPhee
They are entering their prime, something that every Hollywood star hope to avoid, but make no mistake that Monica Bellucci and Julianne Moore has the appeal and sultriness that surpasses even the hottest female stars of today. Hence, it is appropriate to celebrate their beauty by pitting their asses against each other to see who has the better celebrity butt!
MONICA BELLUCCI
Her picteresque face and curvaceous bod was first introduced overseas in “Malena.” It’s a good thing Hollywood picked up this sizzling Italian brunette for movies “The Matrix” and “The Passion Of Christ,” two of which Bellucci played the role to a tee. What’s even more amazing is that she is not afraid to take up challenging roles such as that in “Irreversible.” Not recommended for public viewing, but only because Bellucci was seen naked - ass and all - in the film makes this somewhat of a must-see.
JULIANNE MOORE
Moore is an actresses’ actress who knows what roles to pick and how to play it. This award-nominated redhead is acknowledged for her versatility on the big screen, with a filmography that would impress a hard-nut critic. Most notably, her role as porn actress in “Boogie Nights” has men wanting for more
VERDICT:
The fact that Belucci has made a career out of showing more skin than required (only if executed tastefully, of course) almost makes this an ass landslide. WINNER: MONICA BELLUCCI
